Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
