There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
