arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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