I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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