I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
