I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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