After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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