I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
