its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
