I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
