Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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