lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
