so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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