There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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