Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
