just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
