Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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