The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
