i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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