Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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