jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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