Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
