Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
