Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
