I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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