dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
