I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
whose ass print is on the piano?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
