I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
