uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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