His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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