Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
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His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
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I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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