I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
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I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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