I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
