I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
