I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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