apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
