She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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