So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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