I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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