did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
