drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
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The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
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Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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