I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
