It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
