Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
