whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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