he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
