just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
two words...techno handjob
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
