1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
zippers are such a cool invention
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
