2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
