Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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