i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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