Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
