She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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