$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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