I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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