Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize