i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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