He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
