im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
