The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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