I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
